Funny Quotes – Best 40 Sarcastic Quotes For You

Funny Quotes!, Here are Short 40 Sarcastic Quotes and sayings about life that will make you smile. Below you will find the famous funny quotes such as, funny sayings, funny love quotes, funny friendship quotes, and funny inspirational quotes.

Best 40 Sarcastic Quotes For You

Suggestion: Best 25 Positive Words to Start Your Day

Let’s Discover The 40 Best Funny Captions

  • No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. – Abraham Lincoln
  • There’s a name for people with an interest in the moon, They’re called lunatics. – Anthony Horowitz
  • When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein
  • Never do anything that you don’t want to have to explain to 9-1-1 personnel. – Jill Shalvis
  • He had a dashing smile. It nearly dashed right off his face. – Shannon Hale
  • I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. – Winston Churchill
  • I just can’t fathom why anyone would stand on a ledge when there’s a respectable amount of walking space right next to it. – Stephanie Perkins
  • Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Mark Twain
  • Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts. – Will Cuppy
  • If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. – Theodore Roosevelt
  •  You’re under arrest for multiple counts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do you have anything to say in your defense? – Derek Landy
  • I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don’t believe I deserved my friends. – Walt Whitman
  • Plans are invitation to disappointment. – Derek Landy
  • Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. – P. G. Wodehouse
  • Humanity is a parade of fools, and I am at the front of it, twirling a baton. – Dean Koontz
  • All generalizations are false, including this one. – Mark Twain
  • I decided right then and there to make a snic­ker­do­od­le perfume to wear, so that one day he would sniff me like that. – Jessica Verday
  • Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. – Mae West
  • There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one’s hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs. – Lemony Snicket
  • If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. – Robin Williams
  • She’s realized the real problem with stories — if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death. – Neil Gaiman
  • I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. – Rodney Dangerfield

  • Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. – Vladimir Nabokov
  • I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin
  • Didn’t know you could measure distance so well with nothing but your bloody eyeballs. – James Dashner
  • Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. – Hedy Lamarr
  • It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt. – Mark Twain
  • The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. – Arthur C. Clarke
  • People who didn’t need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn’t need people. – Terry Pratchett
  • How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. – Spike Milligan
  • I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships. – Gilda Radner
  • Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. – Albert Einstein
  • In small towns, news travels at the speed of boredom. – Carlos Ruiz Zafón
  • I can resist everything except temptation. – Oscar Wilde
  •  I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world. – Oscar Wilde
  • If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. – George Bernard Shaw
  • I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them. – E. V. Lucas
  • A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. – George Bernard Shaw
  •  I like to think I’m helping them by hating them. I’m reminding them that they aren’t God’s gift to humankind. – Veronica Roth
  • It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. – Thomas Sowell
  • The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time. – Joe Girard

Read Also: Best 25 Sad Sayings For You

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